Dads and Birth Trauma: The Silent Struggle No One Talks About
When we talk about birth trauma, the focus is often on moms. But what often gets overlooked is that dads and partners can experience birth trauma too. The problem? Most don’t feel like they have permission to talk about it.
As a trauma therapist specializing in maternal and perinatal mental health, I see it all the time: dads who love their families fiercely but silently carry the weight of a traumatic birth experience. They don’t want to burden their partner, they feel like they have to "stay strong," and they tell themselves that because they weren’t the one physically giving birth, their feelings don’t really matter.
But to any father reading this - your feelings are real. Your trauma is real. And you deserve support just as much as anyone else.
What Does Birth Trauma Look Like for Dads?
Birth trauma can happen when the birth doesn’t go as planned, when complications arise, or when you witness your partner or baby in distress and feel powerless to help.
Maybe you were in the delivery room watching things unfold, unable to do anything. Maybe there was an emergency C-section, NICU stay, or medical intervention that left you shaken. Maybe you thought you were prepared, but nothing could have prepared you for what actually happened.
And yet, no one asks dads how they’re doing. Society teaches men to be the rock, the protector, the one who holds it all together. So instead of acknowledging their pain, many dads bury it.
Signs You Might Be Struggling with Birth Trauma as a Dad
Overworking and Staying “Busy”
You throw yourself into work or projects—not because you don’t care, but because it’s easier than sitting with the emotions.
You justify it by saying you need to provide for your family, but deep down, you’re avoiding the memories, the stress, and the emotions you don’t know how to process.
Feeling Like You Have to Stay Strong for Your Partner
You don’t talk about how scary it was to see your partner in pain or how helpless you felt because you don’t want to add to her stress.
You tell yourself that your job is to support her, not the other way around.
Experiencing Anxiety and Overwhelm
You feel on edge, constantly worried about your baby or your partner’s recovery.
You replay parts of the birth in your head, wondering if you could have done something differently.
Struggling to Bond with Your Baby
You love your child, but something feels off. Maybe the birth experience left you feeling disconnected.
You worry that if you admit this, people will think you’re a bad dad.
Not Owning Your Feelings Because You Don’t Feel Like You Have Permission
You tell yourself, “I wasn’t the one who gave birth. What right do I have to be upset?”
You push down the fear, the grief, the what-ifs—because you don’t think they’re valid.
Why Acknowledging Your Trauma Matters
Ignoring trauma doesn’t make it go away. It seeps into your everyday life, your relationships, your parenting. It can lead to:
Increased stress and irritability
Emotional distance in your relationship
A heightened need for control
Burnout from always trying to “stay strong”
And maybe the hardest part? Feeling completely alone in it.
But here’s the truth—you don’t have to carry this alone.
Healing from Birth Trauma: What You Can Do
Acknowledge That Your Experience Matters
Birth trauma isn’t just a mom’s issue. You are allowed to feel shaken, scared, or overwhelmed.Give yourself permission to recognize your emotions instead of suppressing them.
Talk About It—Even If It’s Hard
Find a trusted friend, therapist, or support group where you can share what you went through.
You don’t have to have the “right” words—just start where you are.
Reconnect with Your Partner
You both went through a life-altering experience. Sharing your feelings (instead of bottling them up) can actually bring you closer.
Consider doing a nightly check-in to talk about your highs and lows of the day—it can help bridge any emotional distance.
Consider Therapy or EMDR
Therapy, especially trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, can help you process the emotions and memories that are weighing you down.
It’s not about “fixing” you—it’s about giving you the tools to move forward without the weight of unprocessed trauma.
Challenge the Narrative That Men Have to Be “Strong” at the Expense of Their Mental Health
Strength isn’t about ignoring your emotions. It’s about facing them, working through them, and showing up for your family in an authentic way.
Your healing matters—not just for you, but for your family, your relationship, and your ability to be the dad you want to be.
You Are Not Alone
Birth trauma affects more dads than we realize, but because no one talks about it, many suffer in silence. If you’re struggling, know this: there is no shame in asking for help. Your experience is valid. Your healing matters. And you don’t have to go through this alone.
If you’re ready to take the next step, therapy can be a powerful tool in helping you process what happened, reduce anxiety, and reclaim a sense of peace. You deserve support just as much as anyone else.
If this resonates with you, reach out—I’m here to help.